Back to work after a day of rest, which in accordance to the Gospel of Garfield is always better when taken on a Monday. And to start off the delayed week with a bang, here’s a quick quick joke. Two pigeons are flying over a dealership’s car lot when one comments on how flashy and cool the new models are, and how he’d like to drive one. “I know”, says the second, “I just dropped a deposit on one”. Ahem… So today in History:
In a constant effort to spite Catholic Church which had refused him a divorce, King Henry VIII orders in 1536 that every church in his land must carry not Latin but translated Bibles. The move didn’t quite stick with British population however, since the sheer cost of transalting and printing Bibles for the whole Kingdom required the purchase to be made at a discount in Hong Kong. Most people had a hard time believing that Moses escaped the clutches or Ramses with the help of St. Jackie and his devastating spin-kick.
Over in the U.S. in 1816, the American Bible Society is founded and kicks it off right away by launching their door-to-door marketing strategy. Historians still debate to this day if coincidence really explains that soon after was also the inauguration of the National Rifle Association.
The same United States, land of any of possibility that was founded by migrating Europeans who desired a better life for themselves in the New World, passed in 1882 the Chinese Exclusion Act, which is pretty self-explaining. The ban, which soon after included Asians at large, lasted over 60 years, during which time Thomas Edison was free to charge anything he wanted for his own cheap and unreliable electric appliances.
Tragedy hits the skies of Manchester, New Jersey in 1937 where the iconic German Zeppelin Hindenburg is barbecued to a crisp. Such is the destruction of the air ship that the cause of the blaze couldn’t be established until new technology allowed better insight almost 70 years later. It was then realized that smoking right under a thank full of hydrogen might not be recommended, which led to a widespread panic concerning cigarette, in turn resulting in a universal ban on smoking in any public area except under a pile of rock in the Gobi desert between 11pm and 11:45pm.
Back to England in 1954 where Sir Roger Gilbert Bannister, a soon-to-be reputed neurologist, became the firts person to run a mile in under four minutes. The second person was his recently-dumped girlfriend chasing close behind with a shovel.
Every American is singing along in 1970, with the meteoric rise at the top of the charts of ”American Woman”, quickly becoming the National Anthem for guys riding in their Camaros with the top down and chest-hair flowing in the wind. A cold shower would however befall such stereotypical “bros” when some started to realize that the song was from a Canadian Band, The Guess who. Many in America still had a bad case of Gordon-Lightfootitis.
And finally in 1994 a widespread movement of requested refund washed upon American electronics stores as everyone with a big screen TV complained of horrendous image distortion. The FCC eventually had to step in and explain that TV quality had nothing to do with looks for the former Arkansas state worker suing President Clinton for sexual harassment, Paula Jones, who really was that ugly.
WOW: Words Of (a certain) Wisdom
“I may not have been the greatest president, but I’ve had the most fun eight years.” -William Jefferson “Bill” Clinton