Before I get started, let me just say that in today’s column I will not in any way ridicule, bash, demean or even mention the name of Thomas Alva “Like I really Invented All Those Things” Edison. I promise. And now, for a look at the day’s past events.
The Battle of Dunbar took place on this day in 1296, where England and King Edward 1 put an unofficial end to the First War of Scottish Independence by defeating forces under the Earl of Athol. Many historians believe the skirmish was sparked by a drunken William Wallace who, shackled by English soldiers for disorderly horse riding, proceeded to violently slur discriminatory profanities at them. Fortunately, history rarely ever repeats itself.
Another English monarch, Charles II, granted in 1670 a permanent charter to the Hudson’s Bay Company allowing them to open fur trading outposts in North America. The charter was made exclusive to them in hopes of stopping the circulation of very low-cost and low-quality imitation fur by the Walton’s Market Company, expecting them to soon after close down forever.
History really never did repeated itself in the case of one of the greatest luminaries of the Renaissance, as this day of 1519sees Leonardo da Vinci take his very last breath. The famed erudite suffered a massive heart failure after being told by close friend Michel de Notre-Dame, aka Nostradamus, that his personal diary would one day serve as the basis for a very awful movie that would nevertheless bring a huge fortune to someone named “Opie”. The soothsayer later confided being curious at Leonardo’s reaction had he also learned that many of his inventions would be stolen by someone named Thomas Alv…er, Bill Gates, yes, that’s what I meant.
The date also saw the first publication, in 1885, of the magazine Good Housekeeping, in answer to a quasi-epidemic of husbands who couldn’t pick up after themselves. In little more than a hundred years, the monthly trade contributed to complete eradication of clothes lying around everywhere, dirty dishes polluting the sink for days and toilet seats left up. And now, back to reality…
1981on this date was the ultimate retribution to the Battle of Dunbar 685 years earlier; the people of Scotland took the gag of Sheena Easton’s mouth, allowing her to sing “Morning Train” everywhere she could. The effects of the devastating attack still plague the entire planet to this day.
In an effort to not let daVinci keep this day’s mourning to himself in 1999, famed screen actor and hard drinker Oliver Reed defiantly left us to go give our creator a piece of his mind. Reed passed away from heart failure (in a bar since renamed “Ollie’s Last Pub”) during filming of Gladiator, his performance needing computer graphics to be completed much like John Candy and Brandon Lee for their last roles. Perhaps his proudest accomplishment, the actor shared with Orson Welles the distinction of appearing in the first mainstream motion picture where the “F” word was spoken, 1967’s “I’ll Never Forget What’s’isname”.
And finally today in the Y2K marked 55 years since mostly-Canadian troops of the Allied Forces liberated the Netherlands from Nazi domination, something that Princess Margriet of Netherlands commemorated by unveiling a monument saluting those brave soldiers. The statue called Man with Two Hats, from Dutch artist Henk Vitsch, represents oddly enough a man holding two hats (because when you think Canada, you think I have a hat but a second one would be aboot right, eh). Canadian veterans invited at the ceremony enjoyed a good laugh, thanked the Princess for the fine jest and asked where the real monument was hidden.
WOW: Words Of (a certain) Wisdom
”Disco is just pop music you can dance to” -Sheena Easton